Saturday, November 8, 2008

CINTA



Aku percaya,

..."cinta tak datang hanya sekali"...






Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Raya 2008 with LOVE

.. A music video during my last raya celebration...
I had fun doing it
=)




Friday, October 31, 2008

Sepi


**bulan tanpa bintang ibarat malam yang sepi tanpa seri ...

I believe in You
by Joe



Only Words, Pictures, a Song and Memories

Loved you Tonite
by John West



You're far far away from me
Don't know much about you
But I like what I see
We don't have to judge each other
We could just be
We could just breathe
Maybe wait and see
But in the meantime

Would you mind if I told you
I loved you tonight
Cuz it seems when you close to me
It's gonna be alright

Would you mind if I told you
I loved you just for tonight
Cuz it seems when you close to me
It's gonna be alright

We've been in love before
haven't we
But past loves like past lives
It seems to me
We don't have to fear this moment
We could go slow
See where this goes
Cuz you never know
But in the meantime


*chillin by the beach, waiting for our bweakie*

*the morning breeze was owesome he said*

*i can't wait to get in there, crystal clear i must say*

*thumbs up for the picturesque view*

*no it's not a starfish, it's a seashell !*
* macam 'bintang'*


First Nite by Myself

First nite by myself at home.
Terasa pelik pulak since kawin ni dok umah sorang2. Hubby kena outstation sampai hari ahad ni.
Bukannyer aku tak biasa tinggal sorang sebelum ni. Tapi time tu masa bujang. Since kawin ni kira first time rasanya kena tinggal sorang2 for quite a long time.

Terasa sunyi pulak rumah kecik aku ni.
Slalunya walaupun dier balik lambat malam tapi sekurang2nye aku tau jugak la dier akan balik lewat malam nanti. Buntu kejap aku dibuatnya tadi lepas dier pegi.
Sempat jugak la aku kemas umah kejap tadi sebelum aku online ni.

Ishh...sunyi.
Patutnyer aku on tv. Tapi mcm dah pukul 12 mlm. So kejap lagi dah nak tido. Kang kalau on tv tak sedar plak ter-layan sampai lewat pagi. Tak pepasal esok gi keja lambat.

Hmm..hubby suggest aku balik umah Subang weekend ni kalau boring. Macam idea best gak tu. Sebab momot ader kat sana weekend ni. Tapi...aku macam byk keja nak kena buat. Gambar client tu tak abis lagi aku...so aku nak kena siapkan la jugak kalau aku nak lepak umah Subang.

Malam ni aku macam takder mood nak wat keje.
So tu yang aku layan tulis blog ni kejap. Sambil2 tu aku belek tgk gambar masa honeymoon kat Tioman ari tu. Hmm...tersenyum... =)
Bestnyer kalau dapat gi Tioman lagi skali. Time tu hubby baru 1st time gi Tioman. And dier mmg happy. Last time dier jelez sbb aku gi ngan member2 diver aku. Walhal Tioman mmg best. Lepas dier dah rasakan pengalaman tu sendiri baru dier tau betapa best nyer experience yang aku rasakan dulu. Tenang...and orang2 kat sana mmg friendly. Dah jadi kawan2 kami pun skrg.

* inai masih merah baru berapa hari lepas kawin *

* on the way to Tioman, dalam Fast Ferry*

* lepak kat luar Ferry layan view*

* happy betul hubby time tu, memang obvious from his expression*

* aku pulak dah mula pening kat belakang ni*

* sampai je kat Tioman we lepak jap dekat luar chalet, layan senja*

eh..alamak! dah pukul 1 pagi laa.
Errr...kena tido dah.

to be continued..
( I hope.. =P )

bye



Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Hanya Satu


Ayah & Ibu,
Insan yang paling indah dan mulia pernah ku kenali sepanjang hayat ku.

... Beautiful song by Mocca ...

*************

hanya satu pintaku
tuk memandang langit biru
dalam dakap seorang ibu

hanya satu pintaku
tuk bercanda dan tertawa
di pangkuan seorang ayah

apa bila ini
hanya sebuah mimpi
ku selalu berharap
dan tak pernah terbangun

hanya satu pintaku
tuk memandang langit biru
di pangkuan ayah dan ibu

hanya satu pintaku
tuk memandang langit biru
dalam dekap ayah dan ibu

*************



Friday, October 24, 2008

......

......




Kau Ada Segalanya

Sudah lama ku memendam rasa
Gelisah di dalam dada
Namun tidak pernah bersuara
Kerana takut kecewa

Ku tunggu waktu yang lebih baik
Untuk langkah pertama
Jauh dari apa yang ku kira
Diriku tidak bermakna

Di dalam mimpi aku terdampar
Mengejar apa yang di cita
Oh tetapi kenyataannya aku sedar aku tak berdaya

Mungkin juga semuanya salah ku
Terlalu mengharapkan cita
Tapi sepi yang merasuk kalbu
Membawa angan melayang

Di dalam mimpi aku terdampar
Sesat mengejar apa yang di cita
Oh tetapi kenyataannya aku sedar aku tak berdaya...


Sepi

Hanya Tuhan yang Maha Mengetahui...
Apa yang terbenam di lubuk hatiku.

Sepi itu tak semestinya indah.

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
namun ini hanya ada di bibir
di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban hidupku
biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Woo.. sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam




Thursday, October 23, 2008

Satu Lagi Hari Yang Bosan

Hari ni aku datang keje ingatkan nak siapkan job JIMAH yang dah dragging a few days dah ni.
Tapi biler aku sampai opis pagi tadi, check keje yang aku render semalam hampeh tak jadik.
Tension nyer!!! kaler dier off la plak. Tak sync dgn shot2 yang lain.
Aduihhh ape la nak jadik dengan aku ni. So terpaksa aku render balik.

Ntah la. Aku macam tak bleh focus sgt dengan keje kat opis kebelakangan ni.
Banyak masalah yang menganggu pikiran aku kebelakangan ni. Jadi aku slalu senang hilang interest untuk focus dalam keje aku.

Hari ni 23hb Oct. Patutnya dah masuk bulan kelima anniversary aku dan suami. Biler aku pikirkan balik kehidupan aku dan dier sejak kami berkahwin macam ....sighhh....ntah la. Susah aku nak luahkan kat sini. Aku rasa macam tak der ape2 yang betul2 bermakna yang boleh aku kenangkan atau boleh aku katakan yang boleh bagi aku impact yang mendalam setakat ni.

Semalam aku lepas keje aku teman Zura minum dekat d'tomyam kat umah aku. Banyak jugak yang kami sembangkan tentang kehidupan lepas kahwin ni. Aku rasa somehow serba sedikit ade gak persamaan yang kami hadapi when dealing with someone bernama suami.
Sedih gak. Tapi aku rasa lumrah. Tambahan pulak aku pun macam rasa fed up dengan alam perkahwinan ni.

Selalunya orang tua2 cakap, once kiter dah kahwin. Kiter akan rasa lebih 'settle down'. Aku masih mencari2 maksud tu utk dikaitkan dengan kehidupan aku sendiri. Betul ke 'word' tu akan berlaku dalam hidup aku. Setakat ni tak pulak aku nampak benda ni berlaku dalam hidup aku.

Kalau aku ader masalah dalam hal keje aku, suami aku tak suka nak mendengarnyer. Walaupun aku punya la ber-iya2 bercerita dengan harapan yang dier 'the one' bole memahami aku. Tapi malangnyer belum sempat aku habiskan cerita aku...dier dah bagi jawapan or kesimpulan dier sendiri yang slalunya menghampakan aku. Atau lebih tepat lagi membuatkan aku lebih jatuh. =( Memang sedih. Cuba juga aku tabahkan hati. Biler aku pikirkan balik ade ke aku buat macam tu pada dier? Seingat aku sebelum ni kalau dier bercerita pasal masalah kerja dier aku sedia mendengar. Walaupun kadang2 aku tak paham sangat pasal kerja dier or sape2 nama yang dier slalu sebut2kan tu, tapi sekurang2nyer aku tau yang dier memerlukan someone utk mendengar masalahnyer. So tat dier akan rasa lebih tenang lepas meluahkan nyer. Aku cuba jugak paham sedaya upaya aku. Tapi benda ni tak berlaku pulak pada aku. Dier akan slalunya potong cerita atau konon nyer mendengar bebelan aku dengan kata2 yang lebih melukakan hati aku yang mmg dah terluka. Kenape dier kena buat begini pada aku? apa salah aku?
Disebabkan itu aku rasa lebih baik aku simpan sendiri je masalah aku. Memang sangat pedih rasanya. Tapi apa lagi yang aku mampu?

Semalam aku pergi buat check up kat hospital. Mak mertua aku tlg buatkan surat rujukan untuk aku gi check kat Gaene. Rupanye tetap aku kena tunggu lama kat sana. Lepas amik darah, aku terpaksa tunggu agak lama nak jumpa doctor. Tapi at last aku tak dapat jugak jumpa doctor. Next appointment aku kena pegi 27th Nov ni. Hmm...lamanyer. Sepanjang aku duduk tgu kebosanan tu, aku sibuk memerhati pesakit2 lain yang tgh tgu giliran tu. Mostly mcm tgh pregnant. Yang sweetnyer...mostly dtg dengan suami disisi setia menemani. Cuma ader segelintir yang dtg solo and that termasuk la diri aku sndri. Sebak. Suami aku tak peduli pun nak call aku bertanyakan pasal aku. Aku rasa seram gak masa tu kalau2 lepas jumpa doctor aritu mungkin dpt feedback yang mcm tak best. Masa tu buatkan aku terpikir...kenape suami tak langsung nak call or sms aku utk tanyakan aku ok ker tak? Ntah laa...

Taknak kalau ikutkan aku nak rasakan perasaan macam ni. Tapi memang aku tak boleh nak elak lagi. Aku faham kalau dier sibuk dengan kerja dier. Aku sendiri pun slalu sibuk mengejar cita2 aku. Tapi aku manusia biasa dan juga seorang isteri. Aku jugak perlukan seseorang yang boleh faham dan berkongsi sakit susah senang aku. Tak dapat ku rasa kan semua itu.

Aku tak mampu untuk pasrah dan teruskan hidup macam ni lagi.



Monday, October 6, 2008

Selamat Hari Raya 2008, with LOVE

Hey I'm back from quite long raya break.

I felt different today, after a month no lunch. No ciggy break. No my morning caffeine..
Owh, it's great to have it all back. Back to normal life again. Hope no more sleepy mode. =P

Now, I'm back to work. 1st day after raya break. Suprisingly, I was feeling kinda excited to get back to office.
Yet now I'm sitting here till now feeling all blank.
There's so many things needed to be done. I simply dunno where to start. Deep sighhh***

Owh well, it's ok. Maybe I just need a bit more time to list it all one by one. Don't rush my dear-self. =)

Anyway, this is my 1st time celebrating my raya with hubby. 1st word in mind to describe about the experience is 'TIRED'. Pheww...only God knows how tired I was during the whole raya break. 'FUN'? hmmm...maybe I guess. Yet it still a memorable 1st year raya as a wife.



Monday, September 8, 2008

It's a Lovely Monday

Dear blog,
It's 7.51am now. And I just arrived my office. No one is around. And that makes me the 1st person today. Oh well, I can't sleep last nite. Just manage to get about an hour 'sleep' or maybe i should call it as 'nap'. Maybe it's because I woke up quite late afternoon yesterday.

This cough still sicken me. Wish it will end soon. It felt worst as I have to fast during the day.
Hmm...maybe I should get some medicine later after work. (-_0)

Dear blog..
I felt so happy last nite. My close friend Wanie just gave birth to a handsome prince, name Qhadanish ( I hope I did make the spelling rite ..hehe). Oh boy...it's such a pleasant feeling to see my close friend having her 1st child. I can see that she is still very tired, yet very verryyy happy of her new born. I wish I have my camera with me to capture that moment, but I was from my mom's house earlier.
So too bad laa...Perhaps soon, I will see her again and snap some pics of her and Qhadanish.

Later I went 'yamchar' with my old buddies (Zihan, Syahrul and Zack) at Kelana Jaya.
Catching up backdated stories is kinda fun! = P

Owh..last but not least,
I have new theme for my blog now..Haha! Isn't cool?!!
From now on I'm 'Bulan'. 'Bulan' means moon.
And why 'moon'?
It's your part to figure out..
*wink wink*

Oppss..
It's 8.55am now. Gotta rush for the monthly meeting.
Cya again my dear blog~

*peace*




Saturday, September 6, 2008

Thank you... =)


This entry is I just wanna wish a special thank you :"> to my head dprtment for putting the effort of removing that annoying sofa behind me. I know it has been there for ages.
And I am verry veryyy glad that it is gone now.
YEAYYYYYYYY!!!
(^_^)

..Thank you ekk..

As an appreciation as I think it's a wonderful favor u have done for me, proudly I wanna dedicate u this song..so, enjoy!!

*cheers*







Dear blog..

Dear blog..
It's 2.59am rite now.
And I just came back from Subang Jaya for some delivery and meet up with my sister.
It's been a while tat I dun really do some write up in here. Kinda miss u my dear blog. =)
First of all, I felt so thankful for you dear blog to be my most loyal and best fren ever.
Or else it's pretty suck to keep all this misery and burden all by myself.
At least I have you to talk to.

Oh well my dear blog..
I dun really feel good these days. Maybe I kinda too tired. Lotsa things to catch up.
Hardly find some time for myself these days.

Life went pretty hectic lately.
Somehow I know it's all for my own benefits.
There's ups and downs for sure. Yet it's best if i can share with someone wutever story i've gone thru.

Yeah it's true practically i have my spouse to be my other half to complete me.
But then, blame me if i sounded not being thankful...
because I deny no I do feel like I am all alone.
sighh..

I dun wanna be selfish myself.
Probably it is my fault. Or there's maybe it's yours too, darling.
I know we both of are trying our best to make more money for our living and always keep ourselves busy by wutever time we have.
And that may results no quality time together.
It's kinda sad actually seeing each other everyday and not really talking. :(

I ain't complaining abt you darling.
True, you are a nice guy. Everyone loves you.
Your friends loves your company. And I'm happy for you.
Yet darling, wut about us?
I know I am not always there for you as well.
And is that should be a punishment for wut it is now?
Don't you think it's quite unfair?
It's not I no longer care for you. I do darling.
I'm trying my best to be there for you and provide wutever needs that I should provide you as your other half.
I do am trying my best.

Argue?
No, u know me best that I don't argue much these days.
And I know same goes to you. We'll end up just keep silent and not talking.
Thinking that it will solve itself. Yet we know it never is.

After some times, it turns to be a fungus in our heart.
It sounds crazy but believe me it's true.

Effort?
*i'm lost*

Love?
Does it still exist?
or we just left no option and have to be there for each other.

Dear God, bless us.








Thursday, September 4, 2008

It's Not Thursday laa..It's Friday!!!

Whooaa...wut the hell wrong with me now.
Been busy that I can even forget the days. Maybe this fasting month had turned my normal time management a bit upside down. NOooOo...I'm not complaining dear, I'm still in the process of learning and adapting this new thing. (hehe..sounds better rite? ;) )

Okay.. so last nite if I'm not mistaken I think I slept almost half past 1am. Was veeewy exhausted.
Just imagine till up to a point when u are soOoo tired to an extend that you feel like vomiting.

Delivery and clients is all about it.
I had two delivery last nite and even before that I have to do some preparations for the delivery before hand. Gosh..seriously my eyes barely open after the break-fast. So I have no choice but to drag hubby to do the driving. Thanks to him. **clap clap...

Came back already pass midnite. Half dead me. Turned on my pc. Checked some new orders for the boutique. Had some warm chat..(owhh, gud luck with ur thesis ;) ). Shower and zzZZZzz.

Woke up at 4.30am today. Sahur just with a burger (hubby request). Continue with some work. Nap a while and now here I am at work.
;)


Thursday, August 7, 2008

Once More I'm Just Being Me


Late yesterday I went to meet my GM.
Yes, I rejected a promotion.
WHY???
...sigh...
Yeah, i know people gonna think it's a crazy thing to do. I'm rejecting 'a promotion'.
True, sometime I had the same thought too. But then hey,
my reason is simple...'once more I'm being me'.
Sorry I can't explain in detail, it's complicated. But believe me I know myself better.
Somehow, somewhere, soon....I'll get what I want.

Hmm...
there's nothing much happen in my life today. It's more on a usual day.
It's almost 6.30pm now. I think am going off soon.
I dunno why, I felt my creativity level today is very low.
I noticed I can work better if I have my own corner. But not by having a couch where anyone can sit on it behind my work spot.
It's realllllly annoying ok! ;(
How I wish right now that I'll have a proper working space at my house. Where everything is reachable and pleasant to work. Too bad that I don't have enough space to fit in another table.
Seriously my house is in such a mess enough.
I really need a bigger house plss...

I dunno can I actually afford all this.
By judging where I am now I don't think so.
:-(

Hmm...
I think I'd better go off now.
Have to continue some other job later at home.
I hope I'll be inspired enough to do so.

See ya again blog!!!


p/s : Oya, this songs is kinda interesting..." I am me, Once More ". Thx Kokokaina for the beautiful song. U're a genius!!!

* cheers *






Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Growing Beautiful


While browsing around my photos collection I come across with
some interesting pictures of baby Amylea.
Those really makes me smile.

What a very pleasant memory to see her grow beautifully.
~ Miss her so much ~



:: I dedicate this cute song for her ::






Smile Through My Fears and Sorrow

My mind is so full of things to say these days.
However there are so many things as well that I dunno how to put it on words.
My heart and mind is all in blue.
Yet I dunno what is true.

It's nice to think so many wonderful things that has happened in my life.
Yet not so pleasant to think of those ugliest moment that I had gone through.
And hey, it makes me wonder how stupid can I be before or maybe even now of my actions. Or perhaps the way I think.

Owh well.
We grown up. To be called as so-called 'adult'.
Although I still feel that I am 10 years younger than my real age. Anyway, I can't hold fears no more. Shits happen. Although I don't want it to happen but if it meant to happen it will still happen.

So what else can I do ?

I'll just let it be

and

" smile through my fears and sorrow "



Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Someone You Used to Know

I'm home safe now.
Oh well, I didn't manage to talk to my sister. It's not that I didn't meet her. We did went for a simple dinner together however I felt like I'm not really in the mood to talk about it. Or perhaps about anything serious. My mind is tired ( i guess..).
Perhaps I should find somewhere over this weekend to sit down and talk over it.

Owh..my mind is all over the sky.
I dunno why, i dunno why. Everything flashes in my mind. Maybe I happened to listen to this song.
It called as "Someone You Used to Know". It's such a beautiful song. It touches my soul I must say.

Yes, someone you used to know.
Look back yes there's so many people that I've met in my life and still meeting from day to day.
Some stays but some is no where to find. Also some is already at heaven.
Well that is life.

I miss all of you my dear friends.

The lyrics for this beautiful song

It was helpless anyway
There's nothing much we could do or say
Darling don't you think it's a shame?
that it had to end this way

So here's to say goodbye,
our love is lost, and we cant figure why
maybe it really is about time
that we finally made up our minds

So Darling, here's to you
i hope that when you find someone new
that she would always be true to you
to love and understand you

Soon you'll build new memories
then slowly you'd forget about me
then i would slowly be
a distant memory

*Soon i'll just be
that someone you used to know
But darling you will thank me
for letting you go
time is not for wasting
i hope you'll find your intended
But i'm sorry
that your intended isn't me

it's not an easy thing
to shake off our history
i know that's what you want from me
but they will always stay with me

i admit i made mistakes
but darling with you it's just the same
if we stay there will be more to make
i dont know how much more we can take

Darling, it would be unfair
to stay with something no longer there
but it doesn't mean i no longer care
but i'd feel like a burden you can't bear


* Good nite *


I Love Her So Much

I noticed a sms 1st thing today when i wake up. Plus with a couple of missed calls from my sister and mom. The sms was from her, my one and only sister.
From her message she sounded so sad and lost. I went blank for a moment. Thinking what has exactly happened. A while later I called her. She answered. I asked where is she and she said at her fren's place, so I asked her to come over to my house. I know I wouldn't be able to meet her when she's here coz I have to go to work.

Before I left home I reminded my spouse to wait for her till she arrived before going anywhere.
All the way to work I've been thinking a lot what trouble had she causes again this time. I simply don't wanna asked mom about this matter right away.
It's better i put my full concentration on the road 1st.

After talking to mom just now over the phone, as i expected my sister had cause problems again and had turned mom and dad very upset. So she don't dare to go home.
Sighhh...
I seriously don't understand what she's been thinking all this while.
Didn't she realized tat she should be very thankful tat she's been getting everything in her life easily. She don't even have to go thru as much as hard time that me and my brother had gone thru.
Can't she see it at all?

The only thing I can see about her is she's a 'lost person' in her own world. She can't even make up her mind of what she really want in her life. Not even a real ambition, not even a vision.

Oh God..what has gone wrong with her?
Didn't she know that how much I love her. Didn't she realized how much everyone loves her.

My mind starts to flashback bit by bit of my passed.

Dear sister,
please help yourself out from misery. Bcoz no one can help you more if it doesn't come from yourself.



Right now she's sleeping peacefully at my home. At least I know she's safe there.
I shall talked to her once I'm back.

Friday, August 1, 2008

"Treat Her Like A Lady"

This is the best song I'm listening to today.

>> Treat Her Like A LADY <<

Thx JOE for the beautiful song
~xoxo~


My Teenage Song

Today while browsing around the net, I come across this song. It might sound so lame but I don't give a damn because it reminds me of my teenage years.
I still remember that I use to listen to this song alot, well you know a teenage girl with some crazy fairy tales about LOVE. Well, this is how I used to imagine how I might feel when once I have a bf or someone I love one day. Feeling thankful and soooo IN LOVE.

But hey!
I guess it's just a tale. "A FAIRY TALES or A CRAZY TEENAGE DREAM".
Because stupid me, THAT KINDA LOVE DOESN'T EXIST IN THE REAL WORLD!!!!

Anyway enjoy ~


LOVE.WORK.LIFE.DREAMS

It's been a while now that I didn't post anything here.
Life went pretty hectic these days.
Work, personal, love, family, relatives and business.
Trying to sort things one by one.
However, I have to admit it is pretty hard to go through everything on my own.
But that is the fact that I have to go through.


My dreams is huge ahead me.
I often cried alone, how much I have to go through all this by myself.
Should I just quit from my dreams..??!!

Sighh...



Thursday, May 15, 2008

I'll be alright

I'm not angry of what happened. I'm not even freak out to be cursed.

I totally understand how it felt. It hurts is true.

But I'll be fine. I'll be alright.

Yes all will be alright.


Friday, March 28, 2008

It's A Bad Day

Where is the moment we needed the most. You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. They tell me your blue skies fade to gray. They tell me your passion's gone away. And I don't need no carryin' on.

You stand in the line just to hit a new low. You're faking a smile with the coffee you go. You tell me your life's been way off line. You're falling to pieces every time. And I don't need no carryin' on

Because you had a bad day. You're taking one down. You sing a sad song just to turn it around. You say you don't know. You tell me don't lie. You work at a smile and you go for a ride. You had a bad day. The camera don't lie. You're coming back down and you really don't mind. You had a bad day.


Will you need a blue sky holiday?
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on.

Sometimes the system goes on the blink. And the whole thing turns out wrong. You might not make it back and you know. That you could be well oh that strong. And I'm not wrong.

So where is the passion when you need it the most. Oh you and I????
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost.

It's A BAD DAY.

Monday, March 10, 2008

What Ever It Comes

Take time to realize.That your warmth is crashing down on in.

Take time to realize. That I was on your side didn't I. Didn't I tell you. But I can't spell it out for you. No it's never gonna be that simple. No I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize, what I just realized. That we'd be perfect for each other. And we'll never find another.

Just realize, what I realized. We'd never have to wonder. If we missed out on each other, now.

This could all pass you by, didn't I tell you.

It's not the same. No it's never the same. If you don't feel it too. If you meet me half way. If you would meet me half way. It could be the same for you.

Of we missed out on each other now. We'd never have to wonder. If you just realized what I've realized. We'd never have to wonder.

We were perfect for each other. Now it's not gonna be that simple.

If we realized.




Thursday, March 6, 2008

I Need You Boo

There's a huge emptiness in my room. My mind and soul linger around to find something to do.
Yet, thinking where does everything has gone wrong again this time.


I need him in my life. I miss him to be around in my life. Yet I can't change faith.

Am I going to fall again? I asked myself. Am I going down again in my life. Should I just leave all this behind. The questions goes on and none answerable.

Why is this happening to me.

Life without a conversation. Life with tears. Laughter to just cover my sadness, my emptiness. But it's all to hide what my heart misery.

Where does things has gone wrong? Am I suppose to be blame?
Truth is not by seeking, but time will tells.


Here I'm again. Sitting myself at a corner of my room. Thinking of u. Me. Us.

What is the ending going to be...

Unfortunately, my heart felt so empty. Unanswered. Mystery...

p/s : I miss my boo...




Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Better In Time

Today sun I woke up and felt so weak. My body was shivering. A huge headache hardly make me stand. My nose felt numbed. I tried to get up and put down my leg on the floor. My foot felt like on ice.

I need to go to work. I tried to take hot shower, thought can make me feel a lot better. Yet, it doesn't work. The fever doesn't goes off. After put on my clothes. I took my keys and left to the clinic.

Once I stepped in the doctor greet me warmly and asked, "You look really sick my dear...". I smiled dryly to him and sat myself next to him. After some check up. He told me that, my body seems very weak today and my condition seems quite bad. "I think you might need to get a very good rest today yah". I nodded slowly. The nurse gave me some medicines. And I left to home.

I step in my house. My vision was so blur. I tried to get myself to bed. I lay down and tried to make myself comfortable.

From my bed, I look around the house. I felt so empty. Realizing no love around. Am all alone. To take care myself. Love is not around.

I thanked God for the beautiful days He blessed me these days. And continued praying please help me out of this pain. Please make me better in time.
Soul, Heart, Mind, Body.
AMIN.


I smiled and slowly close my eyes.

I know I'll be better in time.
Yes, I know, I'll be Better In Time.



p/s : I love to love. I love to be loved.



Tuesday, March 4, 2008

By Loving You

By loving you, I get to know the truth about life. I'm thankful that at least I've tried to love you my best. Although I didn't get any as return back before, but at least I've met my true love.

By loving you, I've learned to accept the facts of life that I thought I could never bare with. The worst thing One can imagine.

I was young and in love. I gave you everything but it never been enough for you.

You know it's little too late. You had your moment comes. But you never gonna change.

By loving you, I've become stronger and belief that I have to let go and sacrifice my only love for his happiness for being with someone else.

So let me on down. Cause time will and has made me strong. Your chance has come and gone. Yet my everything never been enough for you. And you know why.

To be real, it doesn't matter anymore anyway.

Your time had come, and you have made your vows. It's little too late.






Monday, March 3, 2008

You Are Still The One

There is so many things that I've gone through in life.
Sometimes none simply describable.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

From This Moment On


From the moment I met you, I saw rainbows in the sky. You have brought me the blessing from God. Nothing more beautiful can be than this. And I thanked you every single day.

Everyone went through the hard times. My dark sky has ran since you are here. The sun shines my day from the moment on.

All I want is just your happiness. To make u smile every single day. Before the time comes. And I want to give my hand to you with all my heart.

I really want to live my life with you. And if my dream comes true, it is you where I belong. There will be nothing that I couldn't give. I'll give it all to you. The dreams that we ever wanted.

If our dream comes true.



Thursday, February 28, 2008

It's You

I woke up in every morning.
And I saw your eyes looking at me.
My heart smiles.

I'm all done to work.
And I saw your beautiful smiles.
My heart refreshen.

I sat at my place at work.
And I saw your beautiful face.
My heart blooms.

I continued with my work.
And I felt your soul sitting besides me.
My soul lifted up.

I went to lunch.
And I felt the wind whispers your sweet voice.
My soul soothes.

I continued my work.
And I saw your words on my computer screen.
My soul flying without wings.

I left the office.
And I saw your love comes with me.
My soul felt pampered.

I went dinner.
And I felt the night breeze is you chilling my nite.
My soul feels calm.

I went to bed .
And I felt your soft lips kiss my forehead.
My soul in peace.

Everyday it's you been there with me.
No matter where I go.
No matter when it is.
No matter how.
No matter what the condition is.

It's always be you




Friday, February 22, 2008

Meant Forever

When I am gone. Don't ever have the guilt. Because I'm not sure myself. Is the love still here.

If only you knew, that I love you. I am sure you would never dare to hurt me, ever. Till when this gonna happen. To keep the secret in the heart.

Please let me go. Though the love stays. Let the tears overshadow me. My steps more unpredictable, to carry the hurt.
Till the moment comes. Perhaps you'll understand. Maybe happy or suffer, the faith I'll accept it.

Dear Lord, please show me. The light of truth. The memories with you, will stays forever. Will be dignified, for forever.



Thursday, February 21, 2008

Love Means Nothing Compared To Sacrifices

If there will be no more tomorrow for me. At least I knew I've done my very best for you.
I've sacrifices my happiness for your happiness.
My life for yours.
My love for your love.

All for one reason..

"I LOVE YOU"



Will Everything Be The Same Again...


Life comes, life goes...

Love blooms and love dies...

Will she be loved again. Will everything be the same again? Climbing up the hill and screams by sun rise till dawn as loud as she could, will it make any difference.

Spring to fall. Seasons pass by. Will it make any difference? Her feelings may stay. But nothing gonna change. Reality does stays. Memories blends over time with her.

Day to night. Night to day.

Will everything be the same again...


Dear Life...



Oh my baby, Oh my Love

Early was the morn, flowers filled with dew, I became somebody, through loving you. Softly as a child, born in natural rain, I predict the seasons, to go unchanged.

Sometimes in life, You run across a love unknown, Without a reason, it seems like you, belong.

Hold on Dear Life, Don’t go off running from what’s new, I became somebody, through loving you...

Warm was the sun, that covered my body so. Reminded me of you, as I’d first known. Those were the days, tha days, that changed my life, and made me new.
I became somebody, through loving you....

Sometimes in life, you run across a love unknown, without a reason, it feels like you, belong.

Hold on Dear Life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you.

As the sun shined, down on me. I know with you in love is where I wonna be.
Oooh sometimes, I go on through life, thinking that love is something that’s not meant for me.

Somebody, somebody...

Hold on dear life,
Don’t go off running from what’s new,
I became somebody, through loving you. I became somebody, through loving you.
Oh, I became somebody, through loving you.



Somewhere Over The Rainbow

When all the clouds darken up the skyway
There’s a rainbow highway to be found
Leading from your window pain
To a place behind the sun
Just a step behind the rain

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
There’s a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby

Someday I’ll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops
That’s where you’ll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Where birds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow
Why then oh why cant I

If happy little bluebirds fly
Beyond the rainbow
Why, oh, why cant I

***************

P/S : Somewhere over the rainbow, I saw your smiles and it always make me fly.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

If Tomorrow Never Comes


It's a very beautiful songs. It's means alot to me.
I've been listening to it for ages and it never stops inspiring me of love.
I love it so much and I wanna share it with you..

******************
Sometimes late at night

I lie awake and watch her sleeping
She's lost in peaceful dreams
So I turn out the lights and lay there in the dark
And the thought crosses my mind
If I never wake up in the morning
Would she ever doubt the way I feel
About her in my heart

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

'Cause I've lost loved ones in my life
Who never knew how much I loved them
Now I live with the regret
That my true feelings for them never were revealed
So I made a promise to myself
To say each day how much she means to me
And avoid that circumstance
Where there's no second chance to tell her how I feel

If tomorrow never comes
Will she know how much I loved her
Did I try in every way to show her every day
That she's my only one
And if my time on earth were through
And she must face the world without me
Is the love I gave her in the past
Gonna be enough to last
If tomorrow never comes

So tell that someone that you love
Just what you're thinking of
If tomorrow never comes


+ LOVE +



I often realize that LOVE can make me feel so high. That LOVE can make me always smile. That LOVE can make me feel wonderful all the time. How I miss that LOVE so much.

True..LOVE can't be force. LOVE have ups and downs. That is where all the bitter sweet memories was born. Every single thing that happen had taught me a very expensive lessons that I can never get it from any malls. That LOVE that I can never treat with anything. It fills my life. No matter the bitter nor sweet. It built in my heart.

I often cried for LOVE. I often smiles because of LOVE. LOVE is so innocent. How could we blame on LOVE. We're the one that makes that LOVE how it is.

I've LOVE someone before and not getting LOVE back. I've LOVE someone and the LOVE stays forever. Someone had LOVE me and he didn't get my LOVE back. Someone had LOVE me and I still remained unanswered. That is what LOVE had happened in my life.

LOVE is pure. Comes from an honest heart. It is very expensive that you can never get it with money. That is the PURE LOVE that I was talking about.

LOVE can make me smile. LOVE can make me cry. That is what LOVE LOVE LOVE is all about. How wonderful LOVE can be. How miracle LOVE can be.

And the most important lesson I've learned from LOVE is...

"No matter how deep your LOVE is, don't ever expect any in return.

And no matter how crazy you are in LOVE with that person,
you might need to sacrifices your LOVE to him for someone else.

And she did it all because of the LOVE for him. LOVE is for forever. Doesn't mean that he have to be with you to have that LOVE.
That is the treasure of TRUE LOVE."



Good nite~


:: Thank You ::


The beauty of life
Does Not Depend on how

Happy You are…

But on how Happy Others
Can be because of YOU!!!

"Never let yesterday's disappointments overshadow tomorrow's dreams"

HAVE A LOVELY DAY !!!!

***********************

P/S : It's beautiful, and it is very meaningful.
Thanks for sharing.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

It's Monday again! Film Point Dinner nite Out~




Back to work again! Bored..

I spent almost an hour right after I reach office to sleep. Feeling so drowsy due to lack of sleep last weekend.

I almost finished my car modelling. Today I touch up the tires, the car door and also add up some details on the body. Before I left I manage to model out a basic shape of the side mirror.

I'm disturbed again....

Initially I planned to go back to my hometown to get the camera charger from my brother. But then, last minute I got an order from my marketing manager that I need to accompany him to go to Film Point New Year dinner. It was held at Tropicana Golf Club.

It's the first time I been there. The place was awesome. I was so amazed to see all those big houses around the neighborhood. Wait a minute..I can't actually call them houses...they are more likely to be called as a CASTEL!! They are super huge houses that I'm sure belongs to millionaire in Malaysia. I wonder...do they have any available son that I can go out for a date with? ahahahha...

I reached right on time. It started at 8pm. Very nice party. Seems it was meant for Chinese New Year festive, so they come up with a RED theme for the party. Apparently I don't many red shirts. Thank God I just bought one some where end of last month. And it safe my life tonight.

The guests was so stunning with their very pretty dresses. I bet they are models. Those expensive cars are laying around the house like no body business. When am I gonna get one yah? The food is superbly nice. So tempting to eat them all but I can't coz I need to tone down my weight. Too bad, I've been putting on weight a few kilo's lately. Damn!

There are also so many people from the industries that I don't even know. Also I bump into my ex-boss and ex-EP. Didn't talk much to her anyway...

Wutever it is...I left quite early from the party. Most of the guest already start drinking and get drunk. And I'm not a drinker myself so I dont see the point to stay any longer...

As usual, I get back home and online. Thank God today I get an offer for a photography session at one of the nicest island here. I'm so excited. Can't wait to go there. They plan to go there around March. Not sure the date yet...but will be update soon. Island here I come!!!! heheheeee.....

Huarrrghhhh....now I'm so sleepy. I'd better get to bed now. It's quite late nite now...

Okay...nite nite~

Sunday, February 17, 2008

It's Sunday!


It's Sunday..
I wish to see bright sun today.. :( But I guess that's life. We can't change the nature. Also, we can't change FAITH.

I wake up very early morning today. Was wondering what to do while still wrapped under the warm blanket. My niece climbed up the bed and force me to wake up. Later my brother came in and ask me to join them to Shah Alam (my Uncle's house) for a swim. I guess that's quite a good offer seems I don't feel good inside. Hoping it might cheer me up a bit.

So we shoot to Shah Alam right away and my uncle's family already very excited waiting for our arrival. There's where I spent half of my day. Apparently I didn't join them in the pool. Why? I'm not sure myself. Maybe because I wasn't really in a good mood to do so. So most of the time I occupied myself accompanying my lil niece playing in the kids pool. She had lots of fun I can say. Owhh..she even got herself almost drown actually...hehehe. She was so excited to swim yet she's still 1 year old and still not that familiar with how the water works. She thought she can just keep herself float without me holding her. So she tend to swim in the pool and not letting me holding her. After she felt her wrong, I can see she learned something from there. Later she keep clinging on my arm when she's in the pool. :)

Everyone was already pretty tired after the swim. We went straight up to the house and get ourself clean. Had a simple lunch with my uncle's family and some chat. A couple of hours later we left and headed back home.

By then it was already 5pm. My lil niece still seems so energetic and keep jumping around me to bring her out. So I took her to the park. Just the two of us. That is where I took the above picture from. She seems so happy. And I felt so good too to see her enjoying the view at the park. I just sat a corner watching my niece walking around the park.Looking at her really make me smile.

She went to pick a flower by the lake side and came to me. She handed me the flower and smile. I felt so touched inside. How can a lil girl like her can have such a big heart. She almost make me tears. I felt like she understand me best compared to others. Later she come back to me and look at me straight. I smiled at her. And she smiled back at me, she ran to me and straight away hug me so tightly. I hug her and kiss her rose cheek. She seems so happy. Right away, I can feel deep inside my heart she have make me feels better again.

Thanks baby...thanks for made up my day. You're the one that deserve my love best~

It's almost dark by that time. So I bring her home. She's been mumbling all the way home with her baby talk. But being with her I enjoy every second of it.

And now, I'm back to my place. Tomorrow I'll be back to work.

I'm gonna miss my lil Nur Amylea Aisyah sooo much. Love~


Saturday, February 16, 2008

It's Saturday!

Hi there...

Oh well, here I am again. Alone. Sipping the ice cham (my 2nd favourite drink) at one of my hot spot cafe and get online. What can I say...hmm.

I woke up quite late today. Seems I went to bed quite late last nite. There's so many things I wanted to do but I don't know where to start. So after had a tapau lunch at my place. I rushed back to my hometown, as my mom has been waiting for me since early in the morning to go somewhere. Apparently my bed was so comfy that I couldn't resist to cuddle myself in my thick blanket.

After getting a few calls from my family, finally I arrived home. They were having lunch and I straight away hug my lil niece who I miss so much. Haven't been seeing her for quite sometime.


After saying, hi and had a simple chat with them all..I went straight up to my favorite spot. Where else...it's the study room. Where I spent most of my time at home doing my things. As usual, if my lil niece is around I can't do much of my pc routine. She come and distract with soooo many of funny behaviour.

Later then in the evening, after my big brother, sis in-law and lil niece left I manage to finish up some of my task. However, seems like a bit hard for me to get online I decided to go to my favorite online spot nearby my house. The kopitiam!! Here I am...having my own space to do my writing.

To be continued....

My Sanctuary


The place I live. The place I breath. The place I have all the freedom.
The place I be who I wanna be.

:: Home Sweet Home ::

The Joy

Thinking back about my past life was horrible. Being homeless and lost. Drop out from studies and no cash on hand make it even worst. I almost give up with my own life.

After all this while I was trying to look for that something. A thing that will makes it all complete. Maybe I can find in the strangest places that I would never knew it could be.

It thought I can find it in my lover's eyes. Well, who knows or deny the joy that it could brings. Probably, if I had that I'd be flying without wings.

But to wake up in every morning in the pass wasn't a good idea. Now things have change. I've been very determined to look forward in my life. Yet I still keep the old book handy to go through my life so that I'll be more careful in the future. It's like my lifetime bible.

Actually, sometimes even a simple line or words of others can make you laugh or cry. I find my happiness in the deepest friendship that kinda help me cherish my life. If only you know how much that means, you'll have found that special thing.

As it may seem impossible for you to survive again. I've just got to fight for every dream. As I always did since before. Until a point where which one you have to let go and which that would have made you complete.

Perhaps one day when I've found my special thing, waking up beside you every morning. And watching the sunrise on your face and knowing that I can say I love you. Hoping you're the place my life begins and will be where it ends. Then I know that is my home.

Those little things that I only know and those are the things that make you're mine. I'll be flying without wings.


And I'm sure that's the joy I've bring...

Friday, February 15, 2008

Hectic is Everywhere Around Me

Things haven't change that much lately. After the long break for Chinese New Year, everything went pretty hectic again. It's very tiring and I'm pretty not satisfied with things going on at work as well. To mention about in relationship wise not even come close to my mind this time. I just felt I need a long break. Where I can sit on my own time and do what I missed out so much.

The daily routine tight me up like nobody business. Stress is all the way through. The only time I can be on myself is my home. But hey, I don't when am gonna get that moment. Everyday is about go to work, come back home, dinner, online a bit and sleep. Saturday I'll be all rush to my hometown to be with my parents. But most importantly my parents wants me to accompany my sister all the time in the weekend to make sure I'm there to oversee her studies. Up to Sunday, I'll be busy to catch up my laundry and to get some stuff from the shop as I don't have time to get them on weekdays. Sighh...pretty ridiculous time I'm wasting almost everyday of my life.

Every where is just a stressful life going on....

It's The Same Like The Other Day...



It's impossible to understand what's going through a guy's heart.
You told me that you wanted me and now that I've given everything, next you're telling me you're leaving.

You told me that it was your first time feeling this way and said that I was special. I believed you ...and it was my happiness. I had no idea and I continued to depend on you. As I'm just a girl, to whom love is everything.

They say that when you give a guy all he wants, he quickly gets bored. And now i know that is the truth. And although I tell myself, I'll never be tricked by love again...I fall in love and my heart is broken again.

As I'm just a silly girl, to whom Love is everything.

You should have told me that your feelings had faded.
I had no idea and I continued to depend on you...

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who will do anything for LOVE. I didn't know that living this life while being loved would be so hard...

As I'm just a silly girl, to whom Love is everything.

"Today we broke up...
You told me you meet someone better than me, and you're happy. You're just like other guys. What happened to when you told me that you loved me?? Honestly, I don't want to be happy! What am I going to do if you really going to forget about me? I'm in so much pain, more pain than I can bare..
Because I'm still in love with you..."

Please don't break the hearts of girls, who will do anything for LOVE. I didn't know that living this life while being loved would be so hard!

"Although I am away, I'll be missing you,
Because I'm a just a little girl, to whom love is everything..."


There's someone I'm in love with, although I can't be with him now.
I'm still in love him...
And I'm away for you~

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Because I'm A Girl

I just cant understand the hearts of men. They tell you they want you and then they leave you. This is the first time, you're special. I believed those words and I was so happy.

You should have told me you didn't like me any more. But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me. Although I will curse you I'll still miss you. Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything.

I heard that if you give up things too easily. To a man, he will get bored with you. I don't think this is wrong. A girl says that she will never be fooled again. But she will fall in love again.

You should have told me you didn't like me any more. But I couldn't see that and you just rushed me. Although I will curse you I'll still miss you. Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything

Hey baby...
The pain. It's not enough to describe how i feel.
We were so happy together. But I know now. I've been blind. You told me that you'd never let me down. Whenever I needed you you'd always be here. I can forgive but I cant forget. Even though you hurt me. I still love you. I still love you.

Don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love. And her caring instinct. U didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard. Although i will curse you i'll still miss you.

Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything.
Although i will curse you i'll still miss you.
Because I am a girl, to whom love is everything....

And the guy said :
There is a girl whom I love. Now I can`t stay with her, but I still love her.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

I Don't Wanna Fight No More

You're not gone. but you're not here. At least that's the way it seems tonight. If we could try to end these wars. I know that we can make it right.

I don't wanna fight no more. I forgot what we were fighting for. And this loneliness that's in my heart.
I don't wanna have to try to live this way in my life.

Lets not leave ourselves with no way out, lets not cross that line.

So, i'm hoping we can start tonight, cause i don't wanna fight no more. And it's not even my way. So please, I don't wanna fight no more.



Memories

Memories..The love I left behind. I still think about it all the time. Nothing stays the same. Maybe I'm to blame. Or maybe no one to be blame.

Through these eyes. I've seen a thousand lies. And I've seen so many truth passes by. And it's taken me years to realize. That nothing stays the same. I'm sorry baby nothing stays the same. And no one is to blame. Or maybe it's me to be blame.

Does it really matter if you got it right? Does it really matter who was wrong or right for now? All I know, yes you know that you can make it through. What about me?

Nothing stays the same baby. Owh nothing stays the same...

Owh you wanna know why darling..? Cause all the fear I've left behind. Yeah..And only time will tell you what is meant to be.

There's a place. I can't let go. Holding all the dreams I used to know. I wish it was the same. I guess no one's to blame. Yet nothing stays the same.


Does it really matter if you got it right? Does it really matter who was wrong or right? Looking at your life today and you're alright. Yes you are okay.
And I am glad for you every single day.

Now I see the world in a better way. And I know, yes I know that I can make it through as you do.

Memories...The love I left behind. I wish it was the same. I guess no one's to blame. Yet nothing stays the same. And everything must change.
Looking at your life today and you're alright. Yes you are okay. And I am glad for you every single day.